Helping Teenagers Discern their Vocation

Preface

On facebook.com there is a group titled “We Are Catholic!” The group has a discussion board where teens discuss various thoughts about our faith, and one teen posted a question about discerning her vocation. Dozens of people replied, including me; Here is what I posted.

What’s the Worst that Could Happen?

I read somewhere that moving and changing jobs are two of the most stressful events in a person’s life. I don’t know who conducted that study, but I’m guessing they weren’t Catholic; Discerning a vocation is one of the most traumatic experiences a faithful young Catholic goes through. It is especially traumatic because it can go on for years, and includes dramatic shifts from one vocation to another. Shifts that are sometimes peaceful, sometimes passionate, often difficult, and occasionally angry.

However, there is something even more traumatic . . . that is, after fully committing to one vocation, you still have serious doubts about your choice.

People Who Struggle with their Vocations

I’ve read books by ex-priests and by divorced people who still struggled with their vocation after ordination or marriage (I won’t mention their books here because I don’t want to support their writings, which are often anti-Catholic, but if you send me an email I might share the authors with you).

I’m not talking about the occasional thought about what life would be like if a person had made a different choice. I am married, love being married, and have no doubt that this is the vocation God called me to. And even I occasionally wonder what life would be like if I had entered a monastery–that though usually pops up on days when I have to race a kid to the doctor, make sure my rent gets paid, fix the lawn mower . . . oh yeah, and find time to go to work, then get home and pass out only to be woken up at midnight to change a screaming baby’s diaper while I’m half asleep and accidentally put the diaper on the wrong end . . . on those days, sure, I do wonder what the monastic life would have been like. But wondering is different than doubting, and I’ve never doubted my vocation–there’s too much love here.

God has blessed me with a peaceful heart about my vocation, but I wonder why some people don’t find peace after they are married or ordained. After reading a few books by people who were unhappy about their vocation, I am willing to make a guess; their writings give me the impression that they struggled with Christ’s love. Feeling Christ’s love from others, understanding Christ’s love, and, most importantly, sharing Christ’s love by the grace of the Holy Spirit.

Advice from Pope Benedict XVI about Discernment

If you are discerning a vocation, the first thing you should do is surround yourself with people of deep faith who are capable of sharing Christ’s love with you; Start with your family (if possible), then with your church (if possible). Seek Christ’s love for the rest of your life. Share Christ’s love for the rest of your life.

“Prayer itself, born in Catholic families, nurtured by programs of Christian formation, strengthened by the grace of the sacraments, is the first means by which we come to know the Lord’s will for our lives. To the extent that we teach young people to pray, and to pray well, we will be cooperating with God’s call. Programs, plans and projects have their place; but the discernment of a vocation is above all the fruit of an intimate dialogue between the Lord and his disciples. Young people, if they know how to pray, can be trusted to know what to do with God’s call.” Pope Benedict XVI [emphasis mine]

What The Rest of Us Can Do

For the rest of us, the best way for us to help someone discern their vocation is to fill their lives with love by listening to them and by praying with them. Listening to them is a key part of ministering to them; we must focus our ears so we can hear their hearts. Our goal is to help them filter out the noise the devil fills our lives with and to hear God inside.